Everybody makes mistakes when they move house. Maybe you shouldn’t have painted your kitchen fuschia… or bought that low hanging chandelier that your husband hits his head on 20 times a day? Our mistake was our garden hose.

I foolishly trusted the estimated length of our garden in the property details and ran out and bought a hose to water said garden. It looked very smart. It came in a bright green rolly-up thing and would keep the path down the side of our house, where we keep three honking wheelie bins, clear. We threw away the packaging (and the receipt!) only to discover that it was a good 15ft too short. So my husband obediently bought an add-on hose which he connected with an adaptor. This was all very good and well but now it was a mess.

I know you’re supposed to coil it up neatly when you’re finished but nobody actually does that.

I’ve lived with it for a year, tripping over it weekly as I attempt to drag one of the wheelie bins out the side gate to the kerbside. Now that the weather is warming up and the garden is beckoning I declared the situation intolerable. So we trotted off to the garden centre.

Originally the plan was to buy another rolly-up thing to coil up the add-on hose but even my husband had to admit defeat when he realised I’d be unrolling two hoses and back again every time I wanted to water any plants. This is when we saw… THE XHOSE.

I’ve never bought anything from a shopping channel in my life. I do not want painless hair removal with the No-No Pro… I am not interested in cluttering my counterspace with a NutriBullet… but this? This is different.

The XHose is very light compared to a regular garden hose. It also promises to never twist, tangle or kink which is like some kind of miracle. It comes in several different lengths. It has universal fittings. But that’s not what makes it really clever. “The XHose expands up to 3 times it’s original length and automatically contracts in seconds once you’ve finished using it…” my husband read aloud from the box. I know what you’re thinking because it’s what we were thinking. What can I say? I love my new penis hose.

We tried it out as soon as we got home and it did indeed expand to three times its length reaching down to the bottom of our garden which is in excess of 100ft. But the best bit of all is tidying it away. When you’re done, you shut the water off and do your last bit of watering, allowing the water to drain from the hose and it automatically shrinks back down to it’s regular size. Then you wrap it around the wall attachment leaving the entire path completely clear.

XHose New
Look! So neat!

The wall attachment can be attached to the wall or slotted over a tap. Unfortunately we couldn’t do that as the black pipe below our tap got in the way. This close up pic makes it look quite big, like it’s taking up loads of room but I promise you it isn’t.

Anyway, I am totally sold. A couple of people did tweet me saying they’ve had one burst on them so I have made sure to keep the receipt safe in case I need to return it for a replacement. I really hope I won’t have to!

If you fancy a laugh you can watch the hilarious infomercial for the XHose by clicking here. The two presenters are wonderfully awful.

One Comment Add yours

  1. davegore2005 says:

    penis hose or x hose, we must know

    Liked by 1 person

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