So earlier today I tripped and fell down the stairs.
I’m sure it looked nothing short of hilarious. Had you seen it on You’ve Been Framed you’d have pointed and chuckled and then probably winced. I’m sure I’d have laughed had it not been so excruciatingly painful. It was still early in the morning. I was down to work the late shift so was still in my pjs, had seen my daughter off to school and was on my second cup of tea whilst watching Ali Wong on Netflix.
Incidentally I have a mad girl crush on Ali Wong. I follow her on Instagram. I love her.
Anyway, so I ran upstairs to grab something and on my way back down my foot slipped (don’t ask me how, I have NO IDEA) and the lower half of my body flew up and I landed on my coccyx just like a Buster Keaton pratfall and proceeded to judder and bounce, very quickly, bumpety bumpety bump bump bump… down the stairs.
I’d been holding onto the bannister but the force of falling had wrenched my hand away. I managed to grab it again and stop myself. This yanked my arm/shoulder but at least I halted before slamming into the front door which is directly at the bottom of my stairs.
I’ve never fallen down the stairs so this was an altogether new experience for me. And I have to tell you I’m not keen on repeating it. Ever. My heart was hammering. I managed to hobble to my sofa where I lay down to slow my breathing and calm down. I honestly thought I might throw up.
After lying down for about half an hour I went to stand up and immediately lay back down because that was clearly a very bad idea. I had to accept that the day’s plans probably needed to be shelved.
The thing that gets me is I have always been worried that someone would fall down our stairs. When we first moved in 3 years ago I had actual nightmares about my daughter falling down the stairs. Whenever anyone visits for the first time I give them all the same speech about the random steps that are everywhere in my house – “Mind the step! Sorry they’re everywhere, careful you don’t trip” – and I warn them about the very straight, very steep staircase – “Careful, always hold on to the bannister, if you slip on these stairs you’re not stopping until you land at the bottom, there’s no landing, it’s like a log flume!”.
Turns out I needn’t have worried about other people falling down them. Isn’t it always the way, the person warning you about the danger inevitably becomes blasé about it and then succumbs.
The worst bit was having to tell my manager that I had fallen down the stairs and couldn’t come into the work. I felt like the clumsiest oaf ever. I’d have been less embarrassed telling her I had chronic diarrhoea (I work in a veterinary practice, vomiting and diarrhoea is nothing).
Fortunately she is a lovely person and said it was no problem and to feel better and if I needed anything I was to text her and she’d drive round to help me.
Seriously, how nice is that? In my previous life, pre-motherhood, had someone called me at work on a beautiful Friday morning and said “Yeah I fell down the stairs so I need to stay home” I’d have heard “I don’t want to come into work today, have you seen the weather? It’s glorious! And it’s a FRIDAY. Long weekend yay!”. But she was very kind and I am genuinely lying prostrate on the sofa like a landlocked walrus. I did manage to get dressed, moving about like the Tin Man, but then had to lie down for 10 minutes to recover.
Hopefully a day or two of rest will see me right.
My weekend plans now include:
- Watching the royal wedding. I was going to turn it on to see what she was wearing but now I’m sofa bound I have to accept that it will be a Harry & Meghan marathon.
- Listening to The Princess Diarist by Carrie Fisher.
- Nagging my husband to mow the lawn. I was going to do it but now he will have to. He won’t want to because he’s allergic to most garden chores but at some point he will be desperate to escape Harry & Meghan.
- Reading Names For The Sea. One of the books I chose from my Reading Spa, it’s the story of a woman who moves her young family to Iceland.
- Continue stalking Ali Wong on Instagram.